travailler: STRIVE (436)
🍀 elphelt "ROMANTIC RASCAL" valentine 🍀 ([personal profile] travailler) wrote 2019-02-16 11:24 pm (UTC)

I did that, once.

[A pause.]

I was at my wedding. I was there, flirting with my fiance. It was all an act, mind you. I was doing nothing but following my programming, an invader trying to fit into the world I was sent to infiltrate. At some point my...my womanhood was overwhelmed and I...snapped. Mother's plan, my programming, the rule "never fall in love"--I suddenly questioned everything. So, I rebelled against Mother, because I did not want to be part of that.

[Elphelt grips the sides of her head as though she were coming down with a sudden, powerful headache.]

But running away from her? Sabotaging a secret base? Laying out her entire plan to the king? Saving my friends? Helping them come up with a plan for stopping Mother?

ALL of it was EXACTLY what she wanted! Even when I thought I was rebelling, I was doing what she wanted! No matter what reasons I had for what I did, it turned out to be part of what she programmed into me. How can I listen to my heart when I can't trust it?

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